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It is one thing to say you're a big believer in karma, and quite another to act as if.
There was a little karmic test put to me a few days ago, and from what I can tell, I passed.
A long-time business associate offered me a listing, but wanted me to cut out my brokerage and pocket the entire commission myself. Well, the what was left of the commission after Business Associate took a generous kickback/finder's fee.
As tempting as it was, all I could think was how, unlike some of my past day job employers, this brokerage had generally treated me fairly. My stomach turned when contemplating how I'd feel if in their shoes and being screwed over by a trusted agent, and how what goes around truly comes around. Just thinking about it was stressful. In situations like this, I do my best to trust my instincts, and my instinct said "No" quite loudly. Problem solved.
So I turned down the opportunity, knowing that hundreds of other brokers would jump at such a chance. They'd see it as a "break" in their careers or as easy money. I don't see things that way. Maybe that's why I'm not climbing some corporate ladder, or why the job of cutthroat CEO isn't in my future. I don't really care. To sleep at night in peace means a lot more to me than some shady deal.
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Okay, loss of dayjob aside, I still do real estate work, representing some properties and clients. This entire week one of the landlords I work with has been in the foulest of moods. This person is occasionally prone to tempermental outbursts, but generally comes around to logic once he's done venting. This week it's entirely different. He's decided to stay angry, and there's little I can do but allow him to vent at me. Which, as you can imagine, is tons of fun. Yelling, fussing, cajoling, lecturing and hectoring. Nasty and/or terse emails. Rambling voicemails. I just adore this.
It's a trickle down thing. For various reasons, the owner of the building has put restrictions on the properties, which The Venter must enforce. Those restrictions trickle down to me, the broker, and hinder my ability to close a deal as quickly as they want. Those restrictions sometimes turn off other brokers and clients. And of course, I promptly get blamed for any and all lack of deals on the properties, even though the restrictions the others have set up have a lot to do with us not getting deals done in the first place. Follow?
Add to the mix the overall softening of the economy and the not-so-great condition of the properties, and the fact that they are currently over-priced, and you have a recipe for threats like the following:
"Well, if all you're going to do to market the property is XYZ, then what the hell do I need you for? It's like I'm paying you guys to do nothing."
Which is, of course, utter bullshit. We are following the same procedures we've always followed in marketing these properties and also trying new angles, but unfortunately things aren't moving as quickly now as in the past. Which leads the Venter to panic and take it out on me.
Every commission we make, we EARN, dammit. I don't appreciate someone alluding to my work and commissions earned as lacking value or worse, bordering on theft. Screw that! For every deal we close, I'd bet my last dime that there have been five to ten that didn't work out. So even if a given deal appears "easy," in the overall scheme of things, it wasn't as easy as anyone thinks.
That's the thing. Brokers can make decent money, and sometimes other parties get resentful of it. Examples: Attorneys at closings. Landlords paying out commercial commissions. Sellers paying out commissions. Renters forking over broker's fees. Sometimes it appears to them that we did little to earn a lot.
The Venter seems to have calmed down for now, but if it comes down to it, I'm ready to fire him. After all, brokers are a dime a dozen, and he thinks he has me by the balls because of that simple fact. He thinks that just because he can take my company off of the listing at any moment, he can push me around. But that's not entirely true. With all the crap I've been through in my work life these past few years, walking away from people who treat me badly has become comically easy.
Further, I will not allow anyone to give the money I earn fairly and squarely any sort of evil eye/juju/bad vibes. It'd be different (and warranted) if I were some sort of thief or scam artist. That not being the case, then anyone who resents my money can put a sock in their piehole.
I've been thinking a lot about work. The nature of work, the sacrifices and tradeoffs. I refuse to be defined by my job, and perhaps that's been my professional downfall. I just think that I am so much more than simply That Broker or That Writer or more generically, That Worker.
Indeed, That Broker's just a very small part of who I am in my entirety, and maybe that's the issue. It's my flippin' job, not ME. I'm just not one of those people who eats, sleeps, breathes, dreams, and lives real estate. Trust me, I tried that for about two years, and I began to really hate the woman that little experiment was turning me into. Underweight, overworked, physically weak, angry as hell, and with irritated skin from the constant stress. Not a pretty picture, on any level. So I stopped "brokering," and attempted to find a middle ground. The plan was to trade some of the freedoms and pains of being a broker for the stability and drudgery of a more office-based job--one that still drew on my real estate skills and knowledge.
This work scenario reminded me of how much a company gets to tell its workers, on some level, who they are for those hours they are there on the job each day, and to some extent, who they are outside of the job. I mean, Eliot Spitzer clearly liked sex with hookers in his spare time, but the State of New York begged to differ. Eliot aside, those hours add up to years of our lives, yet outside of independent wealth or abject poverty, what choices do we have? Of course, one could start one's own company and set the tone, culture, but that's a whole different discussion. . .one I haven't the energy for at the moment.
So since I'm feeling contemplative but perhaps a bit de-motivated, it's not a bad idea to reflect back on the pros and cons of my broker life.
As a broker, the pros were:
1. Almost complete control over my schedule. If I didn't want to show a place before, say 10 a.m., I didn't have to. Hitting the gym at 3 p.m. in the afternoon? Check. A long lunch every now and then without fear of retribution? Doable.
2. Being able to run around town during the work day and feel a part of things, rather than sitting on my ass in an office, feeling cut off from life until the clock rolled to the quitting hour. Office work really drained me in ways I never expected--the above chief among them.
3. My firm was very liberal on dress code. I got to wear pretty much whatever I could get by with. Of course, some firms have a very corporate dress code, but not mine.
4. The feeling that I could be more of myself on the job. Over the years, I met so many brokers from so many different areas of life. As a broker, you kinda feel like you can be who you are, yet still work in a professional capacity. Most brokers I know had or have thriving careers in other fields. They're not one-dimensional, in other words.
5. Want a long vacation? Just get your business covered and no one can tell you no. I never had to ask permission to go away on a trip, put in for vacay time...none of that nonsense. I simply made sure my listings and clients were being taken care of, usually by a trustworthy colleague, and went. (Cue fond memories of a week on the West Coast during August one summer). . .
The cons, however, were many:
1. People expect you to work every day and be constantly available, even when "off" duty. In fact, Off Duty status for brokers doesn't seem to exist in most people's minds. Bosses would have to hold their tongues if you went away for a week or three, but they'd bitch and moan, cajole and threaten if you consistently took off even one day a week. Or even appeared to do so.
2. Other brokers. Sure, I met some cool ones along the way, but I also met many annoying, boundary-less, mouth-breathing, clueless jerks. And pushy? I can talk to you about PUSHY. And about obnoxious, too. Ugh!!!
3. Unstable income and overall economic instability. Those long vacations weren't so doable when my rent from one month to the next was constantly in question. And it often was.
4. The running around...in general I enjoyed the active part of the job, but sometimes people would run you around town and simply waste your time. That used to piss me off...the inordinate amount of wasted time. I'd do what I could to minimize it, but often in vain.
5. People thinking you're rich. . .when you're not.
6. Taxes.
7. There are NO easy deals and you practically bleed for every paycheck. This is something I didn't want to believe initially, but I was proven wrong time and again.
8. Annoying clients. And their kids. And dogs. And. . .
9. My favorite: getting screwed over. Happened weekly. Sometimes daily. You really see people at their best and worst moments when it comes to real estate transactions.
So clearly, a mixed bag. In all honesty, I might still be pursuing the full-time broker avenue if I felt it could ultimately pay off. For whatever reason, it didn't for me. So I went the "day job" route and eventually got canned--that and other negatives were perhaps signs that I'm really not cut out to work for someone, at least not in a traditional office setting. The entrepreneurial aspects of being a broker were enjoyable and suited me in many ways, but the instability rattled me. The drudgery, politics, and controlling nature of office life were soul-sucking, but that steady, almost healthy paycheck was very nice indeed.
What to make of all of this? Now that I'm back to square numero uno, trying to put it all together and am finally able to think of it all objectively, I do find it oddly freeing.
Well, I spoke too soon, folks. Seems I've been put out on a forced sabbatical. That's my PR/election year spin way of saying I got canned! Man, here I was thinking I was working for people who were more direct, more honest, and less sneaky. Just because they seemed nicer on the surface doesn't mean it's true in all arenas or that they can own up to miscalculations and market downturns. Silly me for believing what I wanted to believe.
Basically I was downsized out of the job. Up until that moment/meeting, they'd never once give me any indicator that my performance and attitude were anything less than great. Since this wasn't a commission based job (not entirely, at least), the recent spate of (over) hiring they did must have been hitting them harder in the pocketbook than they'd anticipated. Recent market downturn and all of that. The proverbial elephant in the room.
Of course, they couldn't/wouldn't own up to this. Not one iota. They attacked my performance (for nit-picky and easily fixable mistakes that they had no intention of allowing me to correct). They also said that it seemed a matter of "fit." As in "you don't fit with this company." That was news to me and all of my co-workers, who were quite shocked (not just pretend shock--it was real) at the firing and are now understandably nervous about their own jobs.
I understand that the bosses didn't want to ring the bell of "downsizing," but instead, their handling of the situation kicked up another kind of fear/morale dip in their staff. Not that I'm around for the fallout--obviously. But my sources are well-placed, of course.
Now for the first time in my working life, I'm drawing unemployment. (Something working only on commission never allowed me to do. So this is actually pretty cool in its own twisted way).
Instead of jumping into the first job opp that comes my way, I'm taking my time to regroup and strategize. Oh, and yes, to travel and just enjoy life for a spell. Luckily my overhead is low by NYC standards, so I won't go under financially (fingers crossed and Lord willing!)
Am I thinking of finally kicking real estate to the curb? (At least professionally, because I'd prefer to have a real, not cardboard, roof over my head)? Yes, I actually am seriously considering leaving this biz. I'd keep my license and prob do a few small deals on the side, but I don't know if I can handle having my bread buttered with such a sharp and volatile knife ever again.
Whew, it's been a busy month. I've been occupied with stimulating things like closet cleanings, a spring cold, and oh, yes, work in a slightly different sector of the industry.
So far it seems I've made the right move, but it has taken a bit of getting used to.
Getting used to not getting yelled at and reprimanded day after day.
Getting used to not having to approach my work from a defensive stance.
Getting used to leaders who are more direct about any projects and tasks, instead of expecting their team to read their minds.
Yes, an overall positive move, but one that I still can't quite believe is real. Being used to the stereotypical jerks in this business, I'm always pleasantly surprised when I meet real estate types who flout that cliche. They do exist. Amazing.
Of course, being real estate and being New York City, even the best run firms often do business with firms and agents who are sketchy. That always provides plenty of drama no matter how pleasant one's own office environment might be. Don't worry, I'll continue taking notes.
Oh, and I'm still waiting for a commission check from a long-closed deal. If it doesn't materialize this week, I'll have some choice words for the person in charge of doling out checks. Bank on that.
Dear Boss,
Yes, I understand now that I fucked up. You have made it incredibly clear to me. For this I thank you. At least you are being direct, and not a passive aggressive shit. You're miles ahead of most people in that regard.
Where we need to work is the part where you keep reiterating what I did wrong and how disappointed you are in me.
Boss: You air your concerns and take me to task. You reprimand. You express your emotional distress.
Me: I apologize and let you know what was going on in my mind that led to the mistake/miscalculation. I emphasize that it won't happen again.
Boss: "Yes, but. . ." [Wherein you repeat everything you said the first time.]
Me: I again reiterate that I very much regret the mistake, and again reassure you that it won't happen again. At this point, I drop any attempt at explaining myself, lest it come across as defensive (which it might have already, but it's too late now).
Boss: "Well, I just want you to understand that. . ." [Wherein you, the Boss, continues repeating the grievances.]
Me: [Silence, but nodding. Inside my mind, I'm losing my patience and looking for a way out of this tedious conversation]. Using all of my willpower not to shout at you, "Yes, I GET it!!! I fucking get it!!! I screwed up, you're upset. Hell, I'm upset. Do you think I enjoy making mistakes? Do you think I relish being reprimanded? But we've repaired the damage and I can't keep groveling and reassuring you any longer. At this point, you have to leggo your ego and attempt to trust that I'll make things right and not make the same mistake again. I can't let go of it for you! For fuck's sake!!!!"
Boss: [Embarrassed at having gotten so emotional and looking for a way to look tough again]: Okay, well I'm glad we got this cleared up. Get me the Sullivan File ready by the end of the day.
Me: Of course. I'm glad we talked this over. Thank you.
Please be advised that all records of this incident will be kept in your Personal/Personnel File, Boss. You know, that file in my mind that I keep...the one that helps me decide when I'm done with you and when you must be fired/systematically removed from my life.
Sincerely,
Your Loyal Employee
I resolve to turn over the proverbial new leaf, and that from here on out, I'll be the most perfect little worker bee possible. Or at least try. I'll drop the attitude, or do a better job of keeping it to myself. I'll practice my poker face and keep my snide comments to myself, or on this blog only. And while we're on cliches, I won't say anything at all unless it's something nice. Or something like that.
Can you tell that sometimes I really hate work and find it hard to just roll with the politics, policies, and the petty bullshit? But like most people who lack independent wealth, I need the money. Not so much so that I can "consume more," but in order to survive in the now and build towards future goals.
Trust me, my life isn't very lavish, or even very adventurous. I don't blow my money on shoes and designer clothing like a lot of young people I know. Most of my shirts cost under $20, for example. I enjoy dining out, but I mainly cook at home and rarely go to pricey restaurants when dining out. Expensive entertainment is a rare luxury in my world, which is fine by me. Books and DVDs or dinner parties with friends are more than enough to keep me happy and entertained. On the travel front, I honestly can't remember the last time I had a proper vacation or a fun road trip, not just a blessedly long weekend or a few days off to take care of personal business.
And guess what? Even those days off my employers begrudged me. They made sure to treat me to frequent phone calls and emails. One employer, upon my announcing my resignation, wanted to keep me well beyond the standard "two weeks' notice" period. And the next employer in line wanted an earlier start date. Had I not stood up for myself, I'd have had my last day at Job A on a Friday, and my first day at Job B the following Monday.
What's wrong with that, some of you might ask? A helluva lot, in my humble opinion. I am not so bound to money and routine that not having "someplace to go" every day for a couple of weeks would rock my world. It'd be a welcome relief, frankly. A person needs time off to decompress, re-organize, and sometimes to simply BE. Yes, our employers need people who can be counted on, but people with good track records should be given the benefit of the doubt. We should not have to apologize for this or explain it away.
Having a job sort of precludes having a life, it sometimes seems.
And yes, I do find myself asking, "Is that all there is to life?"
It can't be. I can't accept that. Thank goodness I at least live in a fun and interesting city.
And yet. . .the times when I had actual time to go to farflung places and do things, I didn't because, well, frankly the money was lacking. The eternal conundrum: plenty of time, but not enough money, or enough money, but no time.
Now that I make okay money but am still somewhat pressed for time due to seniority issues at work, my only hope is to really save money, and to take trips in between jobs. As for the saying, "It's easier to find a job when you have a job," well, I do believe that to some degree. But I also believe that I can do consulting in between gigs so that I on paper, I'm continuously employed.
Oh, and starting my own business isn't really an option at this point. I see most people who have their own businesses working MORE...my goal should be clear by this point. . .to work LESS but not be broke. Hell, I'd work 20 hours per week if I could get by with it and still make comparable money. Note to self: research this possibility.
